Someone described me as stubborn today.

Stubborn is one of those words that pinches, like bossy, selfish and mean. Words that are used to train girls to behave and women to cringe. A bossy girl does not play nice. A selfish girl doesn’t share. A mean girl is refusing give in. I’ve never really thought of myself as stubborn. Tenacious maybe or even determined, but stubborn implies unreasonable. Stubborn implies negative judgment. Do I act stubborn and unreasonable? I don’t know. Probably. I have no insight.

What I do have insight into is word choice. The familiar disappointment and injustice I feel whenever I am called “aggressive” when I am assertive, or “cold” when I am business-like. And intimidating.

Intimidating gets trotted out whenever I am decisive while swimming in a sea of “Well what does everyone else think” . Stubborn I have to think about more. I know how other dual definitions work like

• picky/detail oriented
• bitchy/angry
• conceited/confident
• mouthy/outspoken
• bossy/authoritative

but I need to work out the details on stubborn. I suspect there is something in that word choice that I need to uncover.

And you know I won’t let it rest until I figure it out.